I'm in a small group Bible study that meets in our home Sunday nights. We are all people that God has brought together through one way or another; a previous church, work, our kids are friends, you get the point. We are studying the book of John and have made it all the way to the final chapters involving Jesus' trial, crucifixion and resurrection. In 17, Jesus sets gives us an example of how to pray. He begins by praying for Himself, then prays for the disciples, then for future believers in His name. Chapter 18 we start to see the actions which will lead us up to the Resurrection.
As I read, listen to music, or watch a movie, I can always feel like I'm there. The feelings I get when studying Jesus' trial and death are overwhelming sadness. I know the outcome. It's not like the first time I watched The Sixth Sense and was completely taken aback by the twist (I won't give it away for the 17 people in the world who haven't seen it). I know that "Joy comes in the morning". But my heart still aches for the emotional and physical pain that He endured for me on the cross. Earlier in my walk, I would also feel the accompanying guilt, knowing that it is my sin that put Him there.
I think (on most days) I have fully accepted Jesus' forgiveness for those things. Sure, the enemy tries to bring up my past mistakes and heck, even the ones I made just today. But for the most part I can accept that my sins have been cast into the ocean, and are remembered no more by God. But even without that guilt, I still just feel so bad for what He had to go through. John 15:13 says "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." WOW. To be called a child of God, and a friend! What an amazing gift of which none of us is worthy.
Chapter 19 details His interaction with Pilate and His actual death. I remember the first time I saw "The Passion of the Christ". Such a vivid retelling of the event. Historically and Biblically accurate in regards to the "the punishment that brought us peace". My heart broke as I watched the events unfold on the big screen. I couldn't control the tears that flowed freely down my cheeks. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Sure, ole Mel has lost his marbles as of late, but that does not negate the good that came from the filming of that movie.
Anyways, theres an update on what's running through my mind as we approach Easter. What's on yours?